Loneliness and a trip to the countryside

I've been feeling quite unwell lately. I had put myself on autopilot to get through the semester, it's what I always do. Law school just isn't that interesting, and between working and studying, I try to keep everything on the surface. I don't dwell, I don't do loads of thinking, I try my best to avoid any writing at dawn else the tearing is just never-ending, and, honestly, who's got time for that? 

Then the semester came to an end, I was supposed to have 2 weeks off uni until said uni went on a strike. No big deal, we just have no idea when our classes will resume. Not a problem, since I tend to fill my days with working and languages and everything that keeps my mind quite busy. 

I feel displaced, I feel lonely, I rarely fit in anywhere. I constantly wonder if I'll always feel this way, if I'll ever not be afraid of spending the rest of my days working and studying a ton because I like doing it. I'm not a huge fan of socialising, people bore me easily. Don't wanna linger on that. 

However, I am lucky. I have this huge family and this family owns properties in beautiful places; places I can escape to. So, the other day a few friends of mine and I went to my grandpa's property on the countryside. I've posted about this place before. Here. We went to a bunch of waterfalls, and I could just sit on the grass (or rock) and avoid all sorts of thinking.

Spending a two days without touching my laptop, without opening my email accounts or worrying about deadlines was just what I needed. My body didn't react so well, though - I got a cold and my blood pressure went oh-so-low. A couple of days without a bunch of caffeine and super contracted blood vessels and my body goes weird.

Anyways, the other night a guy told me "You're gonna end up alone if you keep acting like this" (after being slightly rejected by this person that now rants - me). It was like a knife had just gone through my heart. I am constantly scared, yes. I'm not a very pretty girl, I'm not an easy-going person. I'm an introvert. I don't trust people easily, I have a this issue with understanding people - I never remember to read between the lines, so if one is not completely frank with me, I'll never know what one is trying to tell me. I'm insecure. I'm still trying to find a way to stop hating my body. I answered "I'm fine on my own". And it bugs the hell out of me that people are always assuming you need companionship - theirs, especially, when you reject them. I don't need people to be happy, but I'm not a hermit. It's like Jon Krakauer wrote, "We like companionship, see, but we can't stand to be around people for very long. So we go get ourselves lost, come back for a while, then get the hell out again." And downhill the 'avoiding all sorts of thinking' went. 

That place, grandpa's house, reminds me of dad. A gazillion memories come to mind whenever I'm there - maybe that's why I hate and love that place. I think about the day he taught me to ride a bike. How that's where I learned how to swim. I remember how I never felt scared, because I was surrounded by family, because dad would always have my back. I remember how fighting with my brother never really mattered, because at night we would be playing cards together again. But my dad's gone, my brother's moved away and mom's never been the same. No one has. And sometimes, I am alone. It gets bad, when someone just slaps your face with said truth saying you should feel bad about it & when you're not a big people person and you end up feeling like omg, I need company and I should have loads of people surrounding me, even when you don't want to. It's hard to do the "come back for a while" that Krakauer mentioned, because sometimes there's just nothing to come back to. I like wandering, so I don't ever have this urge of coming back to something. I like the idea of constantly moving forward, even though I have no idea where I'm going to. For a moment there, things got quite messy and my head was bursting with a million thoughts and faces of everyone I've ever let go of. Then I talked to Ems, a friend of mine in SF, and realised how wrong it all was. Saying that sentence to me; me believing in it, dwelling on it, and forgiving that jerk. I can be scared, but not of loneliness, because I'm don't feel lonely. I like being who I am and I have to learn to stop feeling guilty or bad because of who I am.

Fun in Taiwan: Fort San Domingo

Emily, moi & Nicola. I miss these girls... ):

Fort San Domingo is located in Tamsui, a sea side district in New Taipei City. The fort represents the foreign involvement in Taiwan. Built in 1629 by the Spanish, in wood, it's main objective was to aid the imposition of Spanish rule over the local Chinese and other populations from that area. However, the fort was taken by the Dutch in 1642, who then replaced the original wooden monument with a fort made of stone. 

The weather was very pleasant when my friends and I went there. It was yet another trip from the study program I went to in Taipei. Inside the buildings, there were some pictures/items exhibitions related to the Dutch occupation. Not that interesting, if you're a western kid who's spent an entire lifetime studying Western History and watches a lot of western made films. 

I loved this place because its gardens and the architecture are extremely beautiful. It'd be an amazing place for a photoshoot - I regret not annoying more random people and asking them to take pictures for me. (Notice that I only appear in very few pictures, so sad soooo sad.)  It's also a nice place to go to because it's near a very fun (and crowded!) street market with lots of traditional snacks for you to get (like all touristy places in Taiwan, heh), it is right beside a Starbucks and you can get there by using the Taipei MRT. (The MRT can probably get you anywhere, I think.)

Have you ever been there? Would you ever go there? Lemme know! :)

-Sofia.

Ps.: more about Taiwan: Pingxi District & Sky Lanterns | Melange Café

Fun in Taiwan: Sky Lanterns at Pingxi District

With all these reports on the success that this year's Sky Lantern Festival was, attracting record visitors numbers (link) and whatnots, I can't help but a) Miss Taiwan terribly much and b) Go through the pictures I took when I went there. 

That being said, I've decided to share with you a rather fun experience I had in Taiwan: during my study program, we learned how to make sky lanterns (yays for taiwanese culture classes!) and we even went to Pingxi District, that is where the Sky Lantern Festival happens. Now, I did not go there during the Festival. I went there with my classmates from my study program. It was still daylight when we lit our lanterns, and there were only 5 lanterns - so it's not nearly as pretty as the footages and images you can find online from the Festival. Anyways - Pingxi District is a very lovely place. When I first got off the bus, having arrived there, I felt like I was at The Shire or something. Green, streams, lovely houses, train tracks...

Thanks, Ems, for taking these! I think these are the only pictures I have of myself during my stay in Taiwan...

Bamboo "wish sticks". People write their dreams and wishes on these & hang them up at that specific alley. 

Our sky lanterns :)

Have you ever lit a sky lantern? Do you want to? Tell me what you think!

Yummy in Taiwan: Melange Café (Taipei)

While in Taipei, my aunt took me to a "very yummy waffle place" (her words). It was already 3pm when we got there, and we still had to put our names on the waiting list.  

I kept wondering "Why would anybody wait such a long time just to get some waffles?", because I was very hungry - and I get impatient when I'm hungry. I just wanted to walk across the street and grab something at a random 7-11. Little did I know...

About half an hour later, we walked in and we sat down. The whole atmosphere was different. Classy, finesse, elegant were some of the words that came to mind when I was offered a menu by a very nice waitress. Their menu had English and Japanese translations on each option. 

Melange Café's bar has a very beautiful, smooth and white marble top counter, and the whole place has a pleasant European cafe feeling. I also enjoyed the fact that, despite being full, it wasn't very noisy - maybe it's a general taiwanese thing, people don't speak very loud..

Since we'd gone there for lunch and I hadn't had proper breakfast on that particular day, we ordered their chicken sandwiches and their traditional strawberry waffles. 

The sandwiches were very good - not too salty, not too heavy. Same for the strawberry waffles - they weren't very sweet, which is something I love (not a big fan of very sweet things), and there was plenty ice cream/strawberry syrup for you to mix with the waffles, so they wouldnt be very dry. 

I think 70% of their menu were beverages options - something the staff takes pride on. Nobody ever walks in there without ordering something to drink. I had their passion fruit/iced green tea thingy. It was ok - not that great, not bad either, around 4USD. But it looked good, just like everything else they bring to your table.

The place was packed with people in their early twenties ordering a bunch of food and eating only 30% of what they had ordered. Why do they do that?

It was quite pleasant - and not that pricey. I'd recommend this place for tourists because it's a very famous spot in Taipei, just right off the Zhongshan MRT Station (exit #2) and they have menus in English. However, be prepared to wait around 30 minutes to get a seat if you're going during lunch/dinner time on weekends and holidays. They don't take reservations.

Definitely going back there when I'm in Taipei again.

Do you guys know any yummy waffle places in your city? Maybe I'll go on a waffle-eating world tour someday..!

TRAVEL: Somewhere amongst the mountains...

...is one of my favourite places in the whole wide world. I am obviously not a big connoisseur of the corners of the world, but Cipó (Serra do Cipó - Brazil) will always have a special place in my heart.

I've known Cipó since ever. One of my oldest memories is of my cousins and I playing in the mud, riding our bikes or swimming in the river. There's my great-grandpa's house, a huge piece of land, hiking tracks, my grandpa's house, trees, waterfalls, nature, beauty and peace.

I miss it very much, and going back there doesn't change this feeling. The place's still there, nothing has changed much physically, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore. Not without dad, not without my brother, not without innocence and childhood.

Do any of you have a special place like this? One in which you'd spend most of your childhood and brings back a ton of happy memories when you picture it?